Starbucks – Update 2 – A Letter from Jeffrey

It took less than 24 hours for Jeff to be sent the link with our plea for help for him! The internet is an amazing thing, but it’s awesome that since we didn’t exchange info at the scene, that we are now in contact. Jeffrey has written to me asking me to please post a letter of thank you from him to everyone who has supported him and shared his story. He also wanted me to let everyone know that…

There will be a newscast tonight airing at approximately 8:25pm EST regarding our issue. It can be seen at

Jeffrey’s letter:

Hi I am Jeffrey, the person in Missy’s blog. I am a real person, her blog is about my experience.

I am writing to thank Missy, a complete stranger, and all who have supported her blog. Without Missy I could not have received the confirmation on why I surmised I had been forced to hand in my keys as a Starbucks Shift Supervisor. She is to commended for her voice and values as an outstanding humanitarian.

Missy consoled me outside of the Starbucks location in Centereach, Long Island on Sunday afternoon just as she described. I walked away from her not knowing who she was or if I would ever see her again. Approximately 24 hours went by when a friend of mine forwarded a link to me on Facebook to say a blog had been posted about me. I read the letter and after reading all the facts came to realize the reason I was no longer welcome for employment at Starbucks.

All of you who have supported our cause to stand united in the LGBT community have made this possible! I would not have found Missy or her blog if it were not for our strong values as a community which I pride with all of my heart. That said I continue expressing my appreciation for her and all of your standing up for our right to be treated respectfully and fairly in our work environments. A promise we hold our employers to daily.

Thank you all for your supportive letters and encouragement.



For privacy sake and the sake of future legal action he plans on taking, we won’t be making public Jeffrey’s last name or email address, but if anyone would like to contact him regarding the incident, please send emails to us with YOUR contact info and we will forward to him or leave comments here, he IS reading.


Posted on June 14, 2011, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 108 Comments.

  1. Stand strong! Justice WILL be served! mark from Monterey CA

  2. Are you sure this is the real him? This just sounds a little too good to be true. Regardless, this is delightful news and hopefully serious action will be taken immediately. You’ve inspired me actually and if something like this ends up happening around me I’ll remember this and act bravely.

    • Im sure its him, another women from the starbucks in centereach wrote about it on the starbucks facebook saying she worked with him and he was an excellent employee, I bet she told him.

  3. Would love to start an email correspondence with Jeffrey for

    Our post:

    Our email:


  4. Jeff stay strong in this world. To me, you’re pretty awesome. Thats it!

  5. fantastic! the internet has really made a revolution.

  6. Fantastic. It is so great to know that he is aware of the concern and support for him and everyone else who experiences harassment!

  7. Jeffrey, I am not lesbian or gay, but I am equally appalled at what happened to you. I hope you become a stronger person from this, and fight them to the end. What happened to you is wrong, you know that already. We all need to stand together, gay and straight. What happened is unacceptable, and I pray that you heal from that and prosper. Good luck Jeffrey. Stand tall and proud of who you are xoxo

  8. Hi Jeffrey,
    I’m neithe a part of the LGBT community, nor am I a part of the Starbucks company, but I stumbled upon the article that cited Missy’s letter and I was shocked. I’m from France and as a summer job, I sent my resumé to the Starbucks we have in my city and I couldn’t believe what I read.
    You have to stand with your head high after what happened on Sunday. You don’t appear to have done anything that was professionally wrong; you were just the victim of ignorance and fear. Stay strong for those who did you wrong will have to deal with the consequences of their actions.
    With all my admiration,
    Léa Miche

  9. Again thanks Missy for letting the world know of the jeff.

  10. No person should have to work surrounded by that kind of hate.
    I hope you find peace in your next job
    I wish you the best Jeffrey
    I’ll be watching to see how Starbucks handles this in the end.

  11. Missy’s letter is absolutely magnificent – as are the two of you. Keep up the awesome work.

  12. Good Luck Jeffrey. Stay who you are, how you are, and be proud!

  13. Kristen Franklin

    As an employee of Starbucks, I am so proud that we have customers who are willing to stand up for the rights and respect of us.

    Kristen Franklin
    Store #6268 Austin, TX

  14. I am SOOO glad that Jeffrey has found this and seen what a difference one person can make and how MANY people are horrified by the treatment he has received. This situation has moved me to tears several times now by the outpouring of love for Missy and Jeffrey. Missy, I am sooo proud of you for stepping up and doing something, and Jeffrey, I am so so sorry that you have had to endure this kind of ignorant horrible behavior simply because of who you are. Who you are is a beautiful person and most of the world does see it, even if a few scared ignorant individuals do not. Stay strong!

  15. Jeffrey, I am very sorry you had to endure that kind of embarrassment and hostility. I do not understand how and why people choose to be so cruel.

    Missy, your letter to the Starbucks company is wonderful. While I feel bad for Jeff for having to experience such hate and disrespect, I am glad that YOU were there when he did. It’s sad to think that this could have happened without ever being reported, and even more disgusting to think (know) that this type of behavior is done in many work and school settings!!!

    I hope this situation is able to be turned around into a positive one. I hope Jeffrey is able to recover from the humiliation, and I hope the “manager” faces severe repercussions–if not termination! I am not gay, so I can not fully understand the ridicule and harassment you endure on a daily/weekly/whatever basis, but I have friends that are, and I have seen how cruel and judgmental many people can be towards them. I wish I could single-handedly make people more respectful and understanding. Jeffrey, Missy (and family), you have lots of support coming from my family to yours. 🙂

  16. Jeffrey,

    Just remember, It gets easier, ok? We’re pulling for you way out in Tulsa,OK!!!

    Our Pride was last weekend, and it may have been the heat, it may have been that i just walked 1 and 1/4 of a mile holding a flag and chanting, or it might have been the fact that our community, no matter where you are is strong, and takes care of each other, but I bawled like a kid when I saw the GBLTIAQ youth carrying our flag through our streets.

    We really are a family, bio and chosen, and we stand together, don’t ever forget that. Every slur slung at you, is one we all feel, and one we all have dealt with before. There is a huge wealth of support, understanding and love from every corner, so matter where your rainbow is :).

    You are a young man, and you have the world in front of you, even though we all have a few glass ceilings to shatter, there will be people with a few pick axs to help!!

  17. Jeffrey, I am truly sorry to hear you had to go through such a humiliating experience. I am 110% behind you and know that there are many other people across the country that feel the same way. I hope your experiences at future places of employment are better than this one was. I know Starbucks as a company does not support the type of behavior that manager showed you (and whoever was with her), but even in the best workplaces you can have some of the worst kinds of people. Good luck to you!

    Missy, thank you for standing up for a stranger. I am happy to know that this incident did not go unnoticed, and that even though it came at the expense of a person, that woman (those women, whoever they were) should not be managing anyone. Way to stand up for Jeffrey!

  18. I am happy that the news of this letter reached you, Jeffrey. (How could it not, after reaching everyone else, it seems!) I have a feeling that you will find other doors of opportunity opening up to you, especially if you have some good references from non-bigoted former coworkers and supervisors. Good luck!

  19. I just want to add that EVEN IF the manager in question had FANTASTIC reasons for disciplining and/or dismissing an employee (something none of us knows, one way or the other, of course), that does NOT excuse how it was handled, and especially does NOT excuse making an issue of sexual orientation. Too often, “talking about it” does not mean giving “too much information” about one’s private life, but simply that an LGBT person publicly identified as such in a way parallel to a straight person identifying as such. Such silencing is absolutely unacceptable, especially in a company that prides itself on a policy of non-discrimination on the basis of sexual or gender orientation.

  20. I too am shocked and appalled by the statements and actions of the Starbucks employees toward Jeffery. I will not say weather I am gay or straight because I don’t think it should matter. I will continue to watch for some sort of resolution for Jeffery (hope it is a good one!) but am seriously rethinking my morning coffee routine as well. I am addicted to the oatmeal along with my Grande Raspberry Latte! Thank you Missy. Many people are witnesses to all kinds of crimes yet very few ever stand up and “No, that is not right!!” You have been able to paint such a vivid picture of the event that I felt I was there with you and was equally as horrified. One little letter……..Big ramifications!

  21. Jeffrey – I sincerely hope you are doing well. I hope that Starbucks stands by their policy and does right by you and defends you against this horrible situation you were blindsided with. I just want you to know that you do have so much support. People who project hate are only trying to compensate for their own internal insecurities and fears. It doesn’t make it any better or easier to deal with necessarily ,but its true that there is NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. Stay strong, accept the love, pity those that hate and just stay positive. Someday they’ll either find reason, or they’ll miss out on a wonderful set of life experiences because of their own ridiculousness.


  22. tears…and CHEERS…Bravo etc…maybe jeffrey and missy could send starbucks the hit song and lyrics…
    Born This Way…by..ya we know…lady gaga….rainbow dreams my friends.

  23. Missy, I am glad there are people like you looking out for total strangers. Not everyone would do what you did. Jeffrey, I wish you the best of luck!

  24. I love the updates to this story. Missy, you are to be commended and how wonderful you took the time to help someone else out. It is long pasyt time this stops and let these companies know that we won’t tolerate it any more.

    Those 3 bitches at Starbucks can kiss my ass.

  25. Cindy Houghton

    Here is proof you don’t need to wear a badge or carry a firehose to be a hero… Missy is my hero for standing up for a stranger simply because it was the right thing to do.

    The world be a better place if more people were like her in it.

    I’m sorry Jeffrey had to go through such a horrible experience, but hope with the love and support of the people around him, friends and strangers alike, that his story will have a happy ending.

    It’s agonizing enough to be fired, but for it to happen like this?

    Stay strong, Jeffrey. Things will turn out OK, I know it.

  26. I am so glad to “hear” from Jeffrey! I am following this blog so I can see what happens! 🙂

  27. I read about what happened to Jeffrey from a friend via Facebook. I was appalled by what I was reading. I’m so glad this matter is being taken seriously by the community, the media, and by Starbucks. The outpouring of support from everyone for one random person really touches my spirit and reaffirms my faith in my fellow humans’ capacity for compassion.

    Dana may not have considered herself to be an activist, but she is one for sure. Activism means standing up for what’s right and being active in the face of adversity. Dana is a shining example for all of us.

  28. I read this in the Calgary Sun in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. I just want Jeffrey to know that his support stretches far and that I am so very proud of him and I don’t ever want him to lose a part of himself just because of some horrible people. I have two little boys and I would feel honoured (Canadian spelling 🙂 ) and proud to introduce you to my children as a positive male role model in their lives. XOXO Deana

  29. same thing happened to me back in 2005

  30. I was working at the Starbucks in Port Jeff for years

  31. It is mind-boggling to me how much power we each possess to do good in the world and make a differnece for someone else. Most of the time, sadly, we (including me) just choose to “not get involved.”
    I once learned these statistics ….out of every 10 people, there is one bully, one victim, and the remaining EIGHT are bystanders, or audience members, rather! Kudos to you Missy for not falling into the silent majority. You have inspired me.

  32. Just when my faith in the human spirit was wavering. I am honored to call Dana and Missy my friends. It comes down to doing the right thing. Missy did that on Sunday. Whether Jeff is gay nor not, he was harassed and humiliated. Two things most companies would never stand for. Missy spoke up for him when he was not strong enough to do it on his own. Any friend, mother, sister, daughter, good human being would do that. My biggest hope out of all of this is that the direct individuals involved lose their jobs. I don’t think any of this will change their already deeply imbedded hatred, but holding them accountable is the only thing to do. I surely hope Jeffrey does sue. For lost wagest at least (although I can think of a slew of other things). I hope that Jeffrey gains strength from this entire situation and at the end of the day is proud of who he is. We love you Dana and Missy, and are very proud of you for speaking up.

  33. It’s nice to see customer’s standing up for us. I can’t begin to tell you how much bullying occurs in the work place including Starbucks. I have a shift in my store who has been and continues to bully. It is horrible I wish I could say more but I fear losing my job.

  34. Hang in there Jeff.

  35. Joshua G. Pope

    I heard this story from the Huffington Post this afternoon. Stay strong brother.

  36. Leslie Miller

    Heroes come in many shapes and sizes. I am so happy that there are still people in this world that will stand up and say “this is wrong”, and then do something about it. I am always “tilting at windmills” and trying to make people see the other side of the coin. Glad to know I am not alone. Jeffrey has as much support from the hetero community as he does from the LGBT community, and I sincerely hope he knows that. Missy and Jeffrey together could be what turns the tides in this country toward more tolerance. Thank you Missy and Dana for bringing this to the public’s attention. Only way to change things is to let it be known that wrong is happening. Only way to fix things is to talk about them. By the time this is done, I suspect Jeffrey will have his job back with a promotion and the store will be short one manager if it isn’t already. The company can’t afford to keep managers like that, the lawsuits are expensive. Jeffrey might turn this into a position that teaches tolerance to corporations so they avoid being sued. Jeffrey, the world is about to be your oyster 🙂 My sincere best wishes to you and your partner.

  37. Wow! This is certainly the ‘Groundswell’ at work! A big cheers to both Missy and Dana for bringing this issue to the attention of SBX. Some of the most egregious events occur right before our eyes. By no means am I an activist- of any sort- but it is interesting to see that the manager felt it appropriate to berate an employee in front of the entire store. That is to say nothing of the fact that he felt it was appropriate to personalize this.

  38. Hang in there Jeffrey! Not all of us straights are such @ssholes!

  39. Gay or straight, no one deserves to be humiliated in public (or private, for that matter!)… Thanks to Missy for giving us a reminder that it’s worth it to stand up for consideration, compassion, respect… you know plain ol’ kindness. That’s a society we can all enjoy no matter our political, religious, cultural beliefs.

  40. I had an experience of the sorts back in the eighties and it left me wounded for years. I hoped time would make me forget, sad that there still is blatant bigotry and racism out there in the work force. I am glad for the internet because just reading these posts and the amount of support tells me maybe there are more decent people out there than in 1984. Love makes the world a better place

  41. This story is depressing and uplifting all at once. Thank you, Missy, for speaking out. “I’d found myself becoming more immobile, when I’d think a little girl in the world can’t do anything.” ~ Emily Saliers

  42. I went to Starbcuks FB page to complain about something so trivial, and I am so glad I came across this story/blog. Thank you for sharing this with all of us. It breaks my heart that humans can treat each other with such disrespect. I keep hoping that I am raising my daughter in a world where people are becoming more tolerant with each other, and then I read stories like this and realize, we aren’t making that much progress. I hope that this story reaches at least one person and changes their views on how to treat someone “different” then them! And for Jeffrey STAY strong and keep your head up high! Although I am sure that incident left a lasting impression on your life, I hope that all the love and support you are receiving will over shadow that and prove to you that you are just as important and special as everyone else! And for Missy, Thanks for taking a stand! Thanks for not just sitting and watching….its important that we stand up for people who are being mistreated. Look at what a difference you are making! I look forward to seeing where this story goes! XOXO

  43. Jeffrey – I live minutes away from this Starbucks and have often enjoyed a cup of decaf while sitting there reading or grading papers. You can rest assured that I will no longer spend my money at this establishment!!! Please know that your Long Island brothers and sisters are standing with you and support you! YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

  44. Jeffrey,

    I want to say, as many others have, how shameful the actions that led to this were, but that would be beating a dead horse. I’m very glad, though, that you are standing strong and are planning on taking action.

    I know that Starbucks has stated that they have a zero-tolerance policy for this sort of thing, and they have publicly stated that they are standing behind that policy, so I don’t think that you are not welcome to work for Starbucks, but I am not in possession of all of the facts behind your dismissal and will not ask for them. That is personal information until it comes up for you in court.

    Regardless of the reasons for your dismissal, the person that dismissed you should be run out of town on a rail for the way they handled the situation. NO employee should ever be exposed to that kind of ridicule, let alone in public. For that alone, I’d say that you have a very good case against that person and the cronies she discussed your dismissal with while you were composing yourself. The whole thing was unprofessional, bigoted and, frankly, rude. There’s really no other words for it

    In any case, I wish you all the success and luck in the world, my friend.

    Bob Mallett
    booboo dot bob at gmail dot com

  45. I cried reading Missy’s letter, too. I am also angry that Jeffrey was treated so badly. I’m so sorry Jeffrey that you suffered from such ignorance!
    I, like Missy, am a loyal Starbucks customer, but I will suffer withdrawals soon if action is not taken against those employees. Our heterosexual household also has a zero-tolerance policy!

  46. YAY Missy and Dana – what an amazing example you’ve set for your little girl, and what an amazing difference you’ve you’ve made in at least one person’s life – big hugs for you! Jeffrey I wish you all the very best as well – I hope good things come out of this, and that your faith in mankind (WOMANKIND!) has been affirmed – reaffirmed -strengthened – whatever – big hugs for you too!

    I’m visiting you from (near) Toronto, Ontario from a link on a Consumerist post – I’m so glad I read the original post that made me start clicking links, and I’ll be watching to see how this progresses!

  47. Anna-Maria C.

    Dear Jeffrey,

    I am so sorry for the horrible way that you were treated and forced to leave your position at Starbucks. This story, your story, has deeply moved me. Intolerance on any level is not acceptable to me. I don’t know what your future holds for you. But, I can tell you that what you have experienced with this company is NOT the norm for all businesses. I have no idea why Starbucks would allow this to be a business practice. I am happy that Missy and Dana were proactive in speaking out about what was clearly a disgusting display of hypocrisy on Starbucks behalf. I believe in my heart that this couple was moved by what happened to you for a reason. Whatever happens in your future career, I believe that you will do something special. With this horrible event, a dialogue has been opened for tolerance within a very large corporation. I will pray for you, Missy, and Dana. Furthermore, I will pray that the people involved in persecuting you and this corporation as a whole will be held accountable for their actions. Finally, I WILL be boycotting Starbucks, until there is a resolution that best suits you. I never really liked their coffee anyway.


    Anna-Maria C.

  48. Stay strong for what is right JEFF. We’ve got your back 🙂

  49. Dear Missy, Dana and Jeffrey:

    First, my thanks to Missy for her eloquent letter — and for the amazing Internet, where the information went viral so quickly (I’m one of many who read with my jaw hanging open, and then shared the information myself). Anyone who thinks that we are in a post-bigotry society need only look at the way our GLBT friends and neighbors are treated. Look at Proposition 8 and all of the similar calls to abrogate rights for GLBT people. Look at the number of states in which it is legal to fire someone from a job or deny them housing because of who they love.

    Suffice it to say, I am glad to know that Missy stood up and did the right thing — and that Jeffrey is not taking the situation lying down. I’m a long-time straight ally for LGBT equality; this case is definitely one that helps raise awareness that prejudice is (unfortunately) alive and well in this theoretically free country.

  50. GOGOGO!!!!! Missy and Jeffry are doing work bigger than they. This actually has helps hundreds, maybe thousands of LGBT low level workers for giant corporations feel a little less alone when it comes to trying to get by in a world that is so cold and uncaring.

    Keep this story alive.

  51. Very cool!! Again, great job Missy, and Jeffry….looks like a bad situation will turn into a very good situation for you….

  52. I hope that all those who violated your basic human rights are appropriately punished, I hope that “manager” is fired with a permanent black mark on her record because she obviously doesn’t have the tolerance or acceptance or apparently legal knowledge and skill (since she berated you out in the open) at all required to be in a position of HR or management or assistant management or even supervisory at any company that values diversity and basic human rights and respect. I sincerely hope you win the legal battle as well, if not simply to make a larger point to all of America, American’s and American Corporations that discrimination will not be tolerated.

    My Brother-In-Law is a District Manager for Starbucks in my area, and upon me forwarding him this article and having private family conversations about the topic he is already putting in the leg work to start a new wave of discrimination free work place training in all the branches of his area, hopefully to be complete with awareness and tolerance training seminars…A difference is already being made by your story, albeit a small one, but a step all the same.

    Just know that many, many, many people in California support you!

  53. Cody Marshall

    Hey Jeffrey,

    Although I have read your story and passed it on, I have no idea what it was like to be in that situation. Keep your chin up, and hopefully the outcome of all this benefits you, and spreads further tolerance to the LGBT community. One persons pain created a voice that hasn’t been silenced.

    Stay stong, buddy.

  54. Dear Jeffrey,

    Lots of people are thinking about you and hoping that you receive the justice you deserve. No one should have to endure the kind of treatment this manager and her minions visited upon you. I hope that Starbucks does the honorable thing and re-hires you or compensates you for the humiliation you suffered. As far as your manager is concerned, she should be severely reprimanded or, preferably, fired. Good luck, and please let us know if there is anything we can do to help.

  55. In my opinion, this is a case of one bad apple spoils the barrel, and also the odd man out bandwagon. It’s unfortunate that the manager attained her position considering her lack of composure, finesse, professionalism, and respect. That she can be counted on by the company, is appalling considering her lack of decorum in front of the customers. It’s a pity that none of the other employees stuck up for him, and jumped on the bandwagon, choosing to pile on the insults and complaints like spoiled little high-schoolers, instead. The magager’s comment to the effect of ‘he should be used to it because he’s gay’ is EXACTLY the reason YOU shouldn’t badger him with it. Work SHOULD be fairly neutral, safe from those who would otherwise complain from sharing the same room, air. SHAME!…That this guy would be pressured in any way about his non-work life at work!!! When are we going to grow up as a nation, and quit picking on the “odd-man out”?!?!
    Hope you take the high road, Jeffery, and inspire others with your story! As you can tell, you weren’t as left out in the dark as it felt! *best wishes*

  56. Dear Jeffery,

    I’m so sorry for the bigotry and pain you had to endure, and I hope those responsible for it receive what they justly deserve. Stay strong and always remember you are loved and supported, even by those who are merely strangers.

  57. Jeffrey,

    Someone you work with has been posting potentially libelous statements about you in the comments sections of many newspapers.

    I am guessing this is either a manager, a coworker or someone who is a family member or friend of the same.

    Please take a trusted friend and have them save as PDFs the comments sections here: – and on other websites.

    This person posted as “checkyourfacts1234”:

    “Missy Alison was completely wrong in what she wrote. She was not aware of the facts of what was happening and confused multiple conversations in oreder to draw the worst case scenerio. Starbucks and the employees at the centereach location are not homophobic nor were they being unfare to the employee. The employee had multiple performance issues, had just been caught breaking store policy and giving free drinks to his friends and once confronted decided to shift blame from himself onto everyone else he could. It is a shame that Missy Alison published this letter without getting the facts.”

    “I know all the facts…and anyone who has ever worked in corporate knows why I can’t say more then that. The “politics” which were being referred to had nothing to do with his sexual orientation and had to do with another employee being upset with him about comments he had made about memorial day and not believing that veterans should have a parade …yes this is what they were referring to…not to his sexual orientation…and the managers were defending him to the other employee saying that he is entitled to his own opinions. As far as this happening in the open area of the restaurant is something that occurs as part of policy in order to prevent the situatuion from escalating when a partner is being spoken to. Missy heard what she wanted to hear and I can’t blame her for being upset about that…the problem is that she had her facts wrong.”

    It must be really painful for you right now, so enlist some friends to help do this for you. It is clear that whatever may have happened, whatever misunderstanding could have occurred, you worked at a hostile work environment, in which your manager and/or your coworkers feel free to illegally discuss your work in a public forum, and apparently lie about policy.

    Considering the people involved, and what happened earlier, it is probably actionable in court. Lawsuits are not fun, but I think you ought to seriously consider this as an option.

  58. As a Starbucks employee, reading this really saddened me. I can tell you with all certainty that this is NOT a company Value. Infact it is the opposite. Infact the company even offers a “cup fill of pride” shirt featuring a rainbow Starbucks cup. A store in my former district actually has an ENTIRE STAFF who each purchased one and wear them all together.

    Myself, and the partners I have had the privilege of working with have (mostly) all been very accepting and open. The people responsible for this deserve to be fired and but on the do not hire list.

    This is sad and a terrible representation of the company.

    On behalf of myself and the partners I know who share my thoughts on this, I am sincerely sorry that you had to experience this. Please know there are MANY Starbucks where we LIVE hearing about you, your life, who you love, and what you do NO MATTER what that is! Keep your head up and please so not let you’d incident make you lose your pride in being a Starbucks employee.

  59. Jeffrey, the outpouring of support you are from decent people reflects how things SHOULD be. Those nasty women should be fired. Stay strong and don’t take any nonsense from ignorant, bigoted, people. I know that’s easier said than done, but a lot of people across the country have your back. Stay strong. My email is private but one of the blog owners can give it to you if you want support and some free legal advice.

    Be well,

  60. Dear Jeffrey,
    We are all with you in spirit. No matter where we live or who we are, we all deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. You had an angel looking out for you and that Angel’s name is Missy.
    Stay Strong..we are all here for you.
    San Diego, CA.

  61. As the mother of a young gay man, I am horrified at the treatment Jeffery received but uplifted by your response. Feel free to pass my email along to him. He has nothing to be ashamed of, no one plans on with whom they will fall in love. I must say you handled it with much more style and grace than I would have, the supposed HR person would have been wearing my latte.

  62. Jeffrey,

    I totally feel your pain and humiliation, but for other reasons. I, too, was a Shift Supervisor, had a problem with an employee and because the manager disregarded/ignored my concerns with that barista over a period of months, the barista ended up lashing out at me loudly, in front of other employees and customers, causing me major mental and emotional stress. I was rejected unemployment and almost a year later I am still not released from my therapist to go back to work because of major bouts of depression and anxiety attacks.

    I commend you for taking action and wish you the VERY best of luck with your case. GIVE EM HELL!! 🙂

  63. I am perplexed as to why you sat there for 15 to 20 minutes as Jeffrey was brutalized and you did not think to take out your cell phone and video this incident.

    • I was wondering the same thing…

    • well chris when you are in the same situation you let us know what you do. maybe she shocker doesn’t have a smart phone that takes video, maybe she was so shocked that she didn’t know what to do or maybe she though recording something on video might be just a wee bit noticeable being 2 feet away.

  64. i command you Jeffery for statying strong and not letting those former bigoted co workers at you win so far. for starbucks loss due to the bigotry of some of their employees is some other business gain.

  65. Missy, thank you for standing up and doing the right thing. Tell Jeffrey that we’re all out here, gay and straight, supporting him. This is important to all of us.

  66. Jeffrey, I feel for you. I was witness to the same thing when I worked for Starbucks. One employee started gay bashing a male friend of mine who was also working for Starbucks. Although he took it in stride (or put up a great facade), I was repulsed and after I threw her out and locked the door, I brought it to the manager’s attention the next morning.
    The manager (a woman) and the basher (another woman) instead of addressing this as the gay bashing it clearly was (you wouldn’t believe the language), instead again attacked my friend (a man) about his work performance, which was never an issue. I (another man) was not able to defend my friend. So, not only is Starbucks at this particular Long island location homophobic but sexist as well, with the women always right and the men, eventually, leaving or being fired all due to the one gay bashing woman who was promoted! I would never work for them again, and I hope these people at your location get what they deserve and the company opens their eyes to the sexist, homophobic views of many of the people in authority.

  67. One person can make a difference! Thank you Missy for taking that extra step. People need to get involved when they see these types of behaviors, people need to contact corporate headquarters and let them know what is happening

  68. One person CAN make a difference

  69. Hi Jeffrey, Missy and Dana:

    I’m just surfing this morning and came upon your story. You remind us all of the power of human kindness. Your story not only shines more light on the importance of equal rights in our country, it serves as a reminder that words are very powerful and can be hurtful without first considering how they might impact another human being. I am a mom and a friend to a number of folks who happen to also be LGBT. These precious connections have helped me to become much more sensitive to the issues that are faced on a daily basis, and the need for compassion and understanding until these issues are no longer noteworthy. Is it so difficult to remember that we are all just human beings, deserving of kindness, consideration and support. Isn’t that all it should be? It really is that simple.

    Missy and Dana, you should be very proud of the example you are setting for your daughter. What a lucky little girl she is. And Jeffrey, I hope you realize that there are so many of us “out here” who support you and your right to work in an environment that is healthy. If anything, this story has illustrated the narrow-mindedness that still exists, and how much work still needs to be done. But as one of the brave soldiers on the front, I applaud you and your courage. If this is the mission you were called to lead, I wish you godspeed and I support you!!


  70. FACT:

    I think this is a larger systematic behavior of what it is like to be a (relatively) low paid service worker subject to increasing abuses, and decline of protections in contemporary America. Workers are often treated like a robot, and expected to perform to high expectations despite the low pay. Higher expectations than those in comfortable management or corporate positions who receive perks, and more freedoms.

    I’ve worked in the hospitality industry, and know from several stories that managers yelling at employees, off-handed statements, playing favorites and rude treatment is common. In today’s work environment with lack of union protection employees are subject to all kinds of abuses and mistreatment. Even the elderly and single mothers.

    Read Nickel and Dimed: On (Not) Getting By in America to understand just the systematic financial abuse.

  71. Jeffery – Keep your head held high and know that the bigots and haters are becoming fewer in number every year my friend.

    Missy – Thanks for being a truely decent human being and standing up and speaking out against intolerance and injustice. You have a beautiful family, and they should both be proud of you, I know I am.

    Mike T. from Houston, Texas

  72. Sheesh. What a mess. Here’s the thing. Wishing ANYONE were fired is awful. Especially in this day and age when finding a job is extremely competative. I’ve never been fired from a job, but I have struggled as a single mom finding one that pays enough to make sure I can feed my children and be able to afford new clothes for my growing boys and the occasional movie.

    One amazing thing we can learn from this is forgiveness. We are all human and there’s so much influence coming at you from all directions that it is extremely hard to predict what we are all capable of until we are in the moment. I DO NOT condone the manager at all! However, what she needs is treatment in the proper tone that she should have given Jeffrey in the first place. Professional. Putting anyone’s head on the chopping block should not feel good.

    You get more bees with honey than you do with vinegar.

    Do not fight hate with hate.

    Blah blah blah…all that jazz

    This manager is obviously a leader…as we saw by her being the ring leader of an unfortunate mistake. If she were pointed in the right direction, it would help all sides.

    I noticed one thing about watching my middle school aged son deal with being picked on by bullies. The kids feel they can’t go to the adults, so they need to form their own anti-bullying brigades. Peer support is more strong than authoritative action. And if you have a former “bully” in that peer support group, there’s a better sense of community and tolerance when they stand up and say “I was wrong.”

    Let’s see if that manager is able to redeem herself. Starbucks should direct it as such, or it’s not gaining any momentum, just hitting a dead stop.

    Super support for Missy & Jeffrey and all that is good in this world!

  73. Greeeeeeeeat Blog Love the Infomation you have provided me .

  74. This breaks my heart. I always try to believe the best in people and I find it shocking that in 2011 people are still so hateful. Have we learned nothing!? My heart goes out to Jeffrey and anyone else affected by hate. Stay strong, we’re all here for you and each other.

  75. How sad is this? As a parent of a gay son I am doubly outraged. Starbucks needs to “make this right”, or they will lose another faithful coffee lover…Hang in gets better

  76. Missy initially wrote that she had only picked up bits and pieces of what was going on; now that she and Jeff are in contact, was he able to give her the full facts re: what went down? Starbucks is now insisting that Jeffrey quit of his own volition, and was not coerced in any way, despite the reference in Missy’s letter that seems to portray the precise opposite (the link is below)!

  77. Hi Jeffrey,

    I’m writing to say that I am sorry this happened to you and that I hope it gets better for you. Not everyone is like your former boss. Keep your chin up and your hopes up and realize that things do get better.

  78. Alls I know is, I’m proud to know that such awesome people are out there in the world. You’re one hell of a family. It takes real courage to speak up, and I hope you are both proud of yourselves! Your baby is lucky to have you as mommies.

    And I also think Missy showed great restraint in not punching that woman in her smirking little face. I have many dear friends who are gay, and it makes me sick to think that they would ever be on the pointed end of the sort of poisonous arrows that “Manager” was aiming at Jeffrey.

    And to Jeffrey…I’ve been in horrible work situations like that myself, and I know how much it hurts. You’re going to need some time. You’re going to feel like your entire body has been sunburned, and the slightest touch may be painful. You may feel like you’re a failure. Just…don’t give up. You’ve got people who love you, and they love you because you’re just the way you ought to be. You’ve got a big fan club out here on the Internet, too, who respects you as a human being and detests that you’ve been treated like a dog. To steal from the ad campaign, it really will get better. I’m proud of you for being a person of dignity. Keep the faith.

  79. I believe we all have the right to be treated with dignity and respect. What happened to you was wrong and should not be tolerated by Starbucks. Jeffrey fight back!. Good luck to you.

  80. jeffrey please contact me at, i would greatly appreciate it.

  81. Missy and Dana, you don’t have to be anything but ordinary people to make a difference in someone’s life. And you are changing the world for the better – thank you.
    Jeffrey, know that there are people out there who do nice things without thought of reward, and not everyone you work with will be a homophobic ratbastard. Hang in there!

  82. I was first made aware of this story by a website I frequently write for ( – the post:, and so I have copied and pasted my comments from there to here:

    Missy, thank you for your enlightening letter and for bringing this incident to the surface. I am grateful to people like you who do not allow these horrific occurrences to be swept under the rug and dismissed without a fight. The world needs more courageous people like you. I pray that Starbucks takes the correct actions towards rectifying this horrid matter.

    Jeffrey, I wish I could write you personally, but this will have to do for now. That pathetic excuse for a human being referred to as your manager needs a crash course in acceptance and tolerance (possibly by a swift kick in the ass, just sayin’!). Your amazing ability to hold your head high in front of your customers while looking that “woman” in the eyes is commendable. Please, do not allow such a waste of life as her to ever bring you down. People like her should be caged and sterilized so she cannot breed her hateful beliefs into another generation. Karma will give her what she deserves. You are beautiful, strong, intelligent, and a wonderful person. Don’t ever let her or anyone else allow you to believe anything different. Keep your head up, and stay strong. We are with you.
    My e-mail is

  83. Jeffrey, stay strong. I was horrified to hear of your situation, and I commend you for staying above that pettiness… it sounds like you acted with a lot of class. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Know that people support you and that this egregious display of homophobia is not going to be tolerated. I hope your story and its notoriety will make it better for other people struggling in the same situation.

    Missy, wow, what a letter. That was eloquent, well thought-out, and expressed your experience in such a way I can’t see how anyone could ignore what you bring to light. Thank you for writing that letter and for comforting Jeffrey in the parking lot. It is actions like that that remind us all that we are loved and are part of a bigger community. Thank you for doing your part to make the world a little bit better.

  84. Stay strong Jeffery. We’re all here for you. We will not let Starbucks sweep this under the rug!

  85. I have been a loyal Starbucks customer for over 10 years but I will NOT give them my business until this horrible situation has been dealt with. The people at the Starbucks in LI, NY that did this to Jeffrey should be fired. What is wrong with people that they would treat someone like this? Unfortunately, the US is still rife with homophobia and racism. What a sad country we have become….

  86. I read about your story on . I think its nuts that people still think they can get away with discrimination in the workplace these days. Being disabled, I know it still happens.

    I have never been into a Starbucks because I don’t drink coffee. I wish I had been there that day though because I would have shoved my cane where the sun would never have seen daylight again. No one should be discriminated against for whatever they believe or how they exist.

    Thank you Missy for comforting Jeffery. I’m sure he really needed a friend at that moment. Thank you also for posting on your blog and letting the world know that discrimination still happens in LGBT community (or any other community for that matter). I’d hate to think what kind of example these women are setting for their children.

  87. You are all AMAZING! I am so grateful that their are people like Jeffrey, and Missy in the world. What a great story. That horrible “manager” should be the one handing in her keys, not you. Maybe this will teach her not to be such a bigoted ass.

  88. I was very moved by the initial post and read it in a train trying not to cry at the hearfealt feelings expressed therein. Today I read this

    ‘and (for) the sake of future legal action he plans on taking’

    and the whole thing is cheapened for me, isn’t it appropriate to wait and see how Starbucks react? wouldn’t an honest appology and re-instatement be enough? why does it have to be about money and litigation?

  89. To Missy: It’s nice to know that there are people like you out there. People who won’t just sit by and say “Oh, that’s terrible” and then go back to their lives like nothing happened. It made me smile a little when I heard you went to comfort Jeffrey the best you could under the circumstances, and that you took the time to write to Starbucks and bring this appalling situation to their attention.

    To Jeffrey: I hope in the long run everything works out for you, and believe, like I do, that karma will catch up to the responsible parties.

  90. im a straight bloke but felt upset reading what you had gone through on this day..

    rest assured justice will be served..


  91. Hi Jeffrey, you have support from Australia!

    There is a boycott of Melbourne stores by the LGBT community of my University (and friends) happening as we speak until the issue has been righted.

    Keep your head up, stay strong, remember you have support everywhere, and people who put you down aren’t worth it.

  92. Missy, U r amazing….im sure many others in the store heard and sdaw what happend to jeff and regardless of how horrible they might have felt for him…..u and u only took the time to do something about it. You my dear, are the very difenition of a humanitarian. To Jeff…..Im So sorry. Im still amazed at how u kept ur cool through it all. Im not gay…….but had i been in that store when this took place, i’m almost certian that i would have been arrested.

  93. I just read the story in the Toronto Star (that’s Canada, eh?) As a steady Starbucks customer and a member of the human race, I am appalled at the situation that Jeffrey faced. It really goes to show you that discrimination and prejudice is alive and well. But what is so heartening is that the community is responding. I’ll be really interested to see what Starbucks comes up with.

  94. Jeff & Missy, you have played an important role in bringing attention to the often two-faced attitudes of companies everywhere. Please please please keep the pressure on and this problem public. No doubt others are suffering in silence and watching to see if this problem is resolved or just fades away. My best to both of you!

  95. Good job, I really like the way you handled this Missy. Good on you. I would love to hear the follow up for Jeffrey by Starbucks. Thank you for sharing.

  96. Stand strong, Jeffrey, and thank you, Missy, for standing up for him! Feel the support from Germany!

  97. I find it sad & Disheasrtening that this could happen in NEW YPORK Of all places. While reading this I expected the location to be a small town, a Red state, somewhere less “progressive.” Thank you Missy for taking action. Your letter was heartfelt & real, and to the point. Good job.

  98. Jeffrey,

    Late to the party – just saw this story through a link a friend posted. I was horrified reading about it. I hope you get some measure of justice. I’m glad someone like Missy was there to offer you encouragement, and obviously, support by being a witness to what transpired. Frankly, I hope that Starbucks location sees an extreme downturn in sales! What those employees did disgusts me.

  99. I was recommended this web site by way of my cousin. I’m no longer certain whether this submit is written by way of him as no one else understand such exact about my trouble. You are incredible! Thanks!

  100. “Starbucks – Update 2 – A Letter from Jeffrey Lil Family Blog” ended up being a
    remarkable blog post and also I was in fact extremely glad to come across the
    blog. Thanks for your time-Carrie

  101. “Starbucks – Update 2 – A Letter from Jeffrey Lil Family Blog” was in fact a fantastic blog.
    If only there were considerably more websites similar to this particular one on the world-wide-web.
    Well, thanks for your time, Katlyn

  102. My relatives every time say that I am killing my time here at
    net, except I know I am getting experience everyday by reading such fastidious articles or

  1. Pingback: Starbucks In Damage-Control Mode After Alleged Anti-Gay Incident | Defamer Australia

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: