>Here is the second in the series of guest bloggers this week. This is from a friend of mine who wishes to remain anonymous, except for the initial “D”. She, too, has a friend as her daughter’s known donor, and though her story is different than ours, there are some similarities and shows a different perspective. Enjoy:
“Our daughter just turned 20 months and I realized it has been a while since I reflected back on our donor situation. See our beautiful almost 2 year old has two moms and a known donor whom we consider an uncle. Two and a half years ago our wonderful best friends sent us an amazing email via MySpace. The wife wrote the message and it started off with “I hope you don’t think this is weird”. She and her husband are our best friends. We watched them have their first and only child just a few months prior. We baby sat for them and turned out to be the only baby sitters they trusted with this child. She explained that she sent us the email after speaking with her husband and hoped she was not crossing the line. She told me that she loved us and that we deserved to have a child without continuing to spend all of our money on anonymous donors. She also said her husband was super fertile ( her words haha ) and that she knew he could do the trick. I remember calling my wife into the room and asking her to read it. She started screaming because our list of known prospects were small and although we had spoken before about asking our best friend we thought it would be better to be considerate and not ask them since he just had a little girl with his wife.
I remember telling my wife “Lets not rush, let’s think this out.” The next day we wrote them back and the first line was ” thank you so much for thinking about us, your words settle softly on a hard topic…” From there we wrote back and forth for about two weeks and even though we lived in the same city it seemed so much easier to talk about this kind of stuff through email. We met face to face after that and hugged and laughed about the prospect of my wife and I having a baby! They explained how hard it was to see us struggling to have a child. How we relived the disappointment each time we tried and how they felt they took getting pregnant for granted since they had an oops pregnancy. They also shared how amazing their lived were now that they had their daughter.
Now I have to mention their was one strange thing about this arrangement. I worked with my best friend at the same office, same team, same department. I often thought how would he handle seeing me pregnant knowing it was something he helped make happen. Our best friend is one of the most deep, loving and completely unselfish people we know. I knew in my heart he would handle it just fine. Would people suspect he was our donor?
My wife and I had been tracking my ovulation and we decided ( along with our friends ) that we would do a test run. We had tried the month before with another friend of ours but we kind of knew it wasn’t going to work. Before that we had used a bank but that was ages ago. After checking our data ( makes it sound so scientific ) we went a head and let them know the days we wanted to try. Our plan was for my wife to pick up the goods on her way home from work and I would be home waiting.
Fast forward two weeks and I got a positive pregnancy test in the bathroom at work and it was the first time in years I was alone in this huge 20 person stall bathroom! I screamed and cried and called my wife to let her know. The pregnancy was not awkward and neither was being pregnant at work with my friend. He wasn’t overly caring or anything strange, he was just my best friend. Same before, during and after we had our little girl. There was an office pool going at one time saying the baby would have red hair because our other best friend who was single was a red head, he also worked in our office. This made me laugh a little, if they only knew.
Recently we have decided to add our best friends to my will should something happen to us…because I have no family who is accepting nor unbiased when it comes to two women raising a child. They are two people I would want to have an influence in our daughters life and I know they would love her just as much as we do.
Not everyone knows this is how we conceived our daughter, no one in our families know. We have opted to keep this a secret and its a pact between the four of us. Our little girl may be the only child we have because of health issues that I have and its good to know she has a half sibling that is exactly a year older than her to the day. The girls share the same birthday…..”