>This Still Happens? (A Religion vs. Homosexuality Experience)

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So, a few weeks ago, we took an impromptu road trip, which I already wrote about, but I haven’t yet wrote about an interesting experience.

Living in the northeast, and spending more time on the internet than I do out in real society, I honestly forget that homophobia still exists. It seems so old fashioned and ignorant… yet once in a while, I’m reminded that it’s still out there, and I’m usually surprised. I feel a great big “oh yeah”, then move on with my happy, sheltered life.

When I first started my journey towards sexual identity discovery, I was 18 and in college and away from home for the first time. I started recognizing feelings and attractions towards both sexes and coming to terms with that. Coming out is a whole other issue… to family, friends, co-workers, etc. But once you’re there, and 10 years go by, it just seems like a part of life. And though I’ve loved both sexes, the person I’ve chosen to spend my life with is a woman, and so I lead a lesbian life, and we have a beautiful little girl, and that is just who I am now. It just seems so normal. We don’t have any gay couple friends currently (we have a few non-hetero friends that aren’t married/committed), but most everyone we hang out with is heterosexual, and I sometimes forget that we are “different.” Maybe they do too.

But, back to the topic. When I volunteered to drive my friend LC to Virginia Beach to attend her BFF’s baby shower, I just kind of expected we’d stay at her parent’s house. I knew LC and her boyfriend RD had stayed there, I knew they had a nice size house, and I just kinda assumed. But before we left, I just asked to be sure we had somewhere to stay. And LC shocked me by telling me she was pretty sure we wouldn’t be able to stay at her parents’ house, because her mom was a “religia-bitch” (her word, not mine) and wouldn’t allow homosexuals to stay (sin) in her house. Wow. Just wow. My mind was blown. I didn’t mind, I knew we could stay somewhere else, but I just couldn’t believe that there were still people out there like that! I mean, surely they must exist, but I thought only in swamps where they inbred and played banjos or something. Her step-daughter whom she raised from young teenagerhood (LC’s step-sister) is also “on our team” and in a long-term partnered relationship (though they don’t believe in “marriage”), and when they come to visit, they also aren’t allowed to stay in the house. So it’s not personal, it’s policy! Our friend, LC, asked her mom anyway, and was given the usual “no”, but wanted to still see her, and she refused. So at least she had our back there, but I was still so surprised by the situation. It didn’t make any difference to her that we were legally married and had a child together.

And to make the situation more unclear, she also doesn’t believe in sex before marriage or cohabitation before marriage… so when her daughter LC and her boyfriend stayed there, they couldn’t stay in the same room. But they do live together now (I guess it’s the “not under my roof” excuse), and we weren’t given the option to stay there but sleep in different rooms. And for what it’s worth, she (the mom) is divorced and remarried (hence the step-child).

That’s exactly what I don’t understand about religion (Christianity specifically). Sex/cohabitation before marriage is a sin. Homosexuality is a sin. And divorce is a sin. 3 sins. But two are forgivable, and one not. For some reason, the happily-married with a child same-sex couple is “worse” than the unmarried, living in sin couple. And for her to get divorced and remarried is forgivable, but two women raising a child is not. What makes one sin worse than another? I understand that murder is worse than theft, and theft may be worse than telling a lie (maybe, who knows). But homosexual marriage is worse than divorce? And so unforgivable, that you cannot permit them to enter your home? And even if we are horrible sinners, isn’t that for Jesus to judge (I was raised Jewish anyway, I’m no expert on these laws) later and shouldn’t a good Christian show everyone the same love, respect and hospitality?

In any case, we were given the offer to stay at a family friend’s house, but in the end stayed in a hotel because we thought it would be better and easier for everyone. We had a nice time, and we never did meet LC’s family. And this isn’t so much about her mom, as it is about religion… and why I just “don’t get it.” I’m sure her mom may be great for many other reasons, but for this reason, I just knew I was better than her. I don’t judge people based on who they love. And I don’t exclude people from my life, home, or friends based on their beliefs. Believe it or not, I would (and do) allow Christians into MY home! The situation didn’t insult me or make me feel bad about myself, but it did make me feel some pity for her. Afterall, missing out on meeting Lilian is definitely a loss, she’s an AWESOME kid.

Living where i do, I just forget that this kind of thing still happens. It is completely uncool and politically incorrect to do something like this up here, but I guess down south, values are different. Well, this just reinforces that I’ll never find myself living “down there”, and I feel lucky to have grown up and live in a more enlightened place. I don’t understand religion, and I plan on raising my child with values of love, respect, and equality … leaving out the judgments and hatred that religion can sometimes breed.

*Disclamier* I know that not ALL Christians or religious people believe this or act this way… I actually know a few that don’t! And I know that not ALL Southerners are like this either, again, I know a few that are the opposite. I’m not making generalizations. I am simply explaining ONE experience I had, and talking about one woman and her one rule. So you may agree or disagree with her, and you may be religious or not, and you may be gay or straight… but I am making no assumptions about you or your “kind.”

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Posted on August 24, 2010, in christianity, gay/lesbian, LC, rants, religion, travel. Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. >A family member (to remain nameless) once told me that its impossible for me to be a "Godparent" to a child of a lesbian couple. They LAUGHED at me. Laughed. They laughed and I cried. I was too upset to even argue. Needless to say, they flipped my switch that day and if it ever came down to it and I had to choose between saving them from a burning inferno or eating a handful of nails….I'd eat the nails. xoxo

  2. >I actually didn't find this experience to shocking. I find like we have had similar experiences at other points and places in our lives. One example (that I just shared with you directly) the difference between the way we are treated and the way other people in our exact same situation are treated. This is not the first time in our lives where we have been treated like "Second Class Citizens" and I feel like we constantly battle a sort of passive aggressive homophobia – on a daily basis.

  3. >@golfshirt6 – I guess the difference then is up here people are more tactful and say things like "there's no room" or "we have to leave early in the morning" etc. to at least spare feelings.

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