>I Now Pronounce You…
I met her in winter, 2003. I had a friend in a band and he begged me for months to come to a show, and I was always too lazy or flakey, but I did… and Missy was the bassist in his band. The photo on the left I THINK is from the first time I saw her (could be the second, but I’m pretty sure it’s the first). I went to another show, and we met on the coldest night of the year and so I invited the band back to my apartment to hang out since I lived nearby. We all hung out, got ridiculously drunk, I flashed Missy my boobs (classy, right? Give me a break, I was 23), then I kicked them all out because I was too drunk to function. The next day, while cyber stalking, I found Missy’s blog through the band’s website, and her recent blog post bragged that so much had happened since she last blogged, so she’d list it… and somewhere in the middle of the list was “partying with M, K and M in the ‘Cutest girl in the history of America’s’ apartment”, so I knew from the start how she felt about me! We started talking online, and we had our first date.
Somehow, I notoriously choose the WORST first (and probably second dates ever), but I took her to see “The Hours”. Man, could it get more depressing? Yes, it can. For one of our next dates, we went to see “The Pianist.” Man, I suck at dating. So yes, to the right is a scan of our actual first date movie ticket, I’m a nerd like that and keep things!
We started dating, and soon we were seeing each other every night even though I had a crazy work schedule and she had a crazy band schedule. This photo below is our first photo ever taken together (again, I’m like 99% sure), sometime in early 2003, hanging out in a bar on the Lower East Side.
Very early in our relationship, Missy said something along the lines of, “I know I’m going to marry the person that takes me to Medieval Times” and I thought that was so silly! She said she had other promises to take her, but no one followed through on it. It was so easy to just buy tickets online, get in the car, and go! So we did! OK, so I guess after the first few dates, I’m not that sucky. So here we are, 6/22/03 at Medieval Times. For some reason, EVERY time I go (and I’ve been about 5-6 times, don’t judge me!), I’m either on the red/yellow or yellow team, and this time was no different.
At some point we talked about moving in together (both of our leases were ending)… Hey, have you ever heard that joke? What do lesbians bring on their second date? A U-Haul! Well, I guess we fit the cliche. Oops. I was kind of “over” Manhattan (I had lived there from 1997-2003, with a brief 3 month stint in Brooklyn and a semester abroad),and I insisted we look in Hoboken. We went there for dinner one night, and Missy was sold on it’s charm, and so we did.
We found a spacious, adorable 3 bedroom/2 bathroom apartment over a bar in the residential part of Hoboken. Every night from 9PM until 2PM or so, the jukebox below played the same songs night after night, and we could feel the bass through the floor. “Seven Nation Army” was often the Floorboard Hum that lulled us to sleep. But it was cozy, and it was fun.
We got engaged about a year later, in May 2004. We went to an AWESOME gay run/owned jewelry store in NYC (I had bought there before) and we picked out an engagement ring for me! It was (still is) beautiful! 5/27/04
In October of 2004 we purchased a condo together in Hoboken. It was a pre-war building, it was quaint and cozy with an exposed brick wall. The mortgage was steep and it made life difficult, but we lived there for a very happy 3 years.
3/10/07 – Another of our 4 total trips to Medieval Times together. (Which reminds me, we should take Lilian one of these days!) I think this might have actually been the celebration of our 4th anniversary, but for some reason that I can’t remember, we went the following week.
March 2007, we spent Missy’s 30th birthday in a fabulous suite at the Borgata in Atlantic City with our closest friends. We attempted the Century Club (one shot glass of beer every 60 seconds for an 100 minutes straight, I didn’t make it past 37). The photos of this evening include two people barfing in the toilet at the same time (one on the other’s head), someone peeing in the shower because the toilet was occupied with barfers, and someone in the jacuzzi in their clothes. But I’ll keep the identities a secret… what happens in AC stays in AC. (OK, it’s supposed to be Vegas, but we’re East Coast girls.) (Pictured below in Bally’s with our friends BS and JF).
In June 2007, we made the big decision to start having a family, and to move to the suburbs. So we sold our Hoboken condo and moved into my mother in law’s beach cottage that she was renting out. It’s little, but cute.
The Civil Union Act came into effect on February 19, 2007 in New Jersey, but you had to be a legal resident of the state to get a Civil Union, so we decided before we changed our legal residence (we still owned our condo until December 2007), we were going to get one! So our best friend BS came with us to file as our witness to get a license, there was a waiting period, then we made an appointment for a City Hall wedding. We had our two good friends CK and WS come and each stood by us as witnesses (or best man/maid of honor, whatever you want to call it) and the mayor of Hoboken performed his first Civil Union on us! (We may not have been the first in Hoboken, but it was the first HE performed). We didn’t dress up, but we did get a bouquet, used rings, and I did wear Something Old, New, Borrowed, and Blue given to me by the other 4 most important women in my life (My mom, my Grandma, and my two best girl friends LT and JCC).
So August 3, 2007 we tied the knot… the first time!
We had what I consider to be the BEST of our house parties of all time on 8/12/07. It was a combination house-warming party and wedding “reception”. (We got a beautiful wedding cake). The party had a Tiki theme and got pretty crazy. This was the night that I asked our best friend, BS, to be our sperm donor to start a family… but this post isn’t about him, or Lilian, so I’ll leave it at that. It’s an important day on many accounts.
On November 30, 2007 we did our first insemination to make a baby, and on December 10, 2007 I got my positive pregnancy test! The line is faint, but it’s there. Both Missy and BS were in shock and awe!
All of 2008 was consumed by my pregnancy for both of us. Midwife and doctor appointments, sonograms, nursery prep, baby shower planning, etc. And I quickly got HUGE! Geez, it looks like I have triplets in there!
On May 29, 2008 Governor David A. Paterson, who took office when the previous governor resigned on March 17, directed all state agencies to begin to revise their policies and regulations to recognize same-sex marriages performed in other jurisdictions. So New York would recognize out of state legal marriages! So we began planning a Canadian marriage, we even found a Canadian internet/blogger friend to come and be our witness (Hi, SC!) We had it booked and all… and then…
On July 31, 2008, an act repealing the 1913 law that prohibits non-residents from marrying in Massachusetts if their marriage would be void in their home state took effect upon being signed by the Massachusetts Governor. So that was even easier and better! We could go to Massachusetts and get our legal wedding, and they only have a 3 day waiting period, so we made one trip up there to get our license, then another to get married 3 days later. The hilarious part was that I had a planned C-section on August 13, so we were cutting it really close with time, and I was terrified i’d go into labor in Massachusetts, hundreds of miles from home.
We chose to get married in the small town of Fall River, MA – also known as the home of the Lizzie Borden house. Partially because it being a small town (as compared to going to Boston or something) we could easily get a quick appointment. Partially because getting married in the town of such a famous murder is kinda awesome and campy. Our friends AB and MV came and were our witnesses and took photos for us.
Look at my big baby bump! We were legally married 8/8/08 (and Lilian was born 8/13/08).
And of course, we took our “formal portraits” at the Lizzie Borden house, so here we are on the front steps of Lizzie B’s house. BTW, my dress (I didn’t have many choices, I had to buy a maternity dress) was black with pink/lavender/gray pattern in it, so Missy put pink shoelaces in her sneakers to match me. How cute is that?
Five days later, out came Miss Lilian. Missy was the first non-medical-staff person to meet her AND hold her since I had my C-section under general anesthesia, it was about 45-60 minutes that I met her. Missy was terrified and nervous, and I was in pain AND drugged up, so when she asked me if I wanted to hold her, I said I was afraid I’d drop her, so just hold her over my chest for me to see.
And from then until now, most of our days, memories, and life revolve around Lilian.
This photo is from Mother’s Day, 2009 (our first). We don’t have a photo of all 3 of us because no one else is with us, but we went to The Big Duck (a Long Island attraction right near our house) and took adorable photos.
The autumn of 2009 we spent in Lancaster & Strasburg, PA. We went for a few days for my 30th birthday, and it turned into 2 one-month visits due to health complications. But it was two great months for me, I fell in love with the county and felt so at home. Here we are on Thanksgiving 2009, in front of our friend CL’s sister’s house in Philadelphia where we had our dinner.
So here we are. We’ve been together for 7.5 years, but the 3rd anniversary of our first wedding (civil union) is coming up and the 2nd anniversary of our 2nd wedding is just 5 days later. And then 5 days after that is Lilian’s second birthday! We’ve moved 3 times. We’ve travelled to about 10 different states. We adopted 4 chihuahuas along the way (that are also our babies). Two weddings, one baby, and a lot of stumbling in between got us to where we are now.
So, Happy Anniversary, Melissa dear. It’s been a beautiful “many” years with you (I can’t specify because it’s just too confusing to clarify how many years we’re celebrating, is it 7? or 3? or 2? so we just have an entire anniversary week!) The path to getting here may have been unconventional, but I love our Lil Family of 8. (Counting the dogs, of course!)
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