>What am I Waiting For?

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I have a separate blog for my weight loss stories, but it’s something weighing heavy on my mind recently, so I feel like it belongs here today. So, here is that back story. Long story short, is over the past 10 years I gained quite a bit of weight… OK, a lot. But last year, I lost quite a bit in a short amount of time (22 pounds in a little over 2 months) at Weight Watchers… kept it off for about half the year, then spent the next half gaining it all back. I KNOW the program works for me… and for the past 12 months I’ve been trying to get myself to go back… to re-lose the 22 plus a lot more. Yet, somehow, I just can’t. Every single day, I wake up saying “today’s the day I get back on track”… and by late afternoon or early evening i’m saying “oops, maybe tomorrow is the day.” It’s something I want to do, yet I somehow just find myself unable to.

I’m not sure why, or what is going on with me. Whether it’s related to depression, boredom, routine, poverty, or all of the above. But something in me just needs to switch over into “forward motion” mode and out of “plateau”. But it needs to be soon, because summer doesn’t mix well with fat. Hiding in baggy, sleeved shirts and jeans sucks when it’s 90+ degrees out. It seems like so many other things in my life… when I want them, I go get them. I want to do something, I usually do, or at least try. But this seems to be my biggest failure. Ever. And I just don’t know what to do. How to do it.

A lot of people don’t understand this. They say “just watch what you eat” or “eat better”. How about “you just need to exercise.” Those are people that probably haven’t been severely overweight. But seeing photos of myself makes me never want to leave my house again. Every bite of food is a struggle of guilt. It makes every day difficult. It makes things that should be fun, filled with anxiety and dread. It’s the biggest source of my depression. And yet every day is the same, and I ask myself, “What are you waiting for???

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Posted on June 15, 2010, in depression, weight loss. Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. >http://www.myfitnesspal.com/This site has been working for me and a couple of my friends. I already lost over 10 lbs. it doesnt look like much but trust me it is. If you dont cheat it is awesome AND FUN. their database is UBER impressive. it's free too so try it!

  2. >I understand and everyday is a battle, not just to loose weight but to keep it off too. You can do it, you can turn the page and as soon as you begin to see the results again, you'll be addicted to staying on top of it. You can do anything, I know this about you. xoxo

  3. >I completely relate to everything you said here.

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